Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner? The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah. So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom. “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani] Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you. Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself. Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match. Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere. These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz). The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time. As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on. Step 3: Be proactive Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”. Step 4: Move on In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds: “If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]
Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.
its alright to admit that you are not okay... being brokenhearted is not a hindrance but rather a sign of being strong...you just had to know how to hold on and when to let go.. loving someone who love you but chooses to let you go is an awful moment but..sometimes you should think that its not that easy to let go specially you know that you loved each other.. loving has its many form...it doesnt mean you stay as friend and you dont feel that love..cause sometimes being in a friendship is better than in a relationship..:) you choose each other to stay which you think you will last..:) ...:'(
It has been days,months and years pass.... I just don't know how i will start everything.... All I know is this....its still me...way back 1988...but Alhamdulillah As I searched for myself.. I found one thing that I thought I would never be... At last...I came here and found new sides of me...I thank Allah for that... As this moment I just wanna thank my friend a special one which i met along my way....Her name is SHAHIRA DEL ROSARIO SHAHWAN...with whom i share one fourth...:) of my life stories.. though we're not that closed before...but I just wanna say thank you for being with me and stay even how naughty i am..:)..I just wanna make you happy and tell you everyday that..dont think you are not that beautiful coz you are beautiful..not only outside but your inside...:) thanks for helping me to create my blog account...i love it...as i love to write..:)
Breakin' up, fallin' down and being stumble is not something to cry for... but... something to cherished... coz it will make you change the future... make you change your self for better.. and make people regret that what is some achievements for them might be a big lost to them... but what you think is the biggest lost for you might be a great achievement you had... Life is full of miseries you will never know how to handle unless you are in that situation.. You dont know what will happen tomorrow... Life is full of surprises,it can be good it can be bad...You may think what you had today might be there tomorrow, what stays and who stays today with you might be not there tomorrow.. the one who hold your hand today may still be the one who holds you tomorrow, what you had beautiful dream today might be the worst nightmare tomorrow..learn to appreciate what you have today and be thankful for what you will have tomorrow..Not all broken things can fix anytime you want,not all want to stay in past...not all wounds can be healed in simple apologies and sorry..not what you had cherished today may still be there tomorrow.. not all people stays what they are today..."people change and so with the feelings..".but respect and being contented with someone is the best way to stay even tomorrow...there are certain people if not almost all people they love their self today more than yesterday and that's the way they chooses to stay than to go back from the past.. some things may be great today but not tomorrow..some you dont cherished today but you will treasure tomorrow..Real Love..is not something to ask for,not to beg for, not to act for but Real Love is something to Feel for...and feel the hidden feelings inside.. Give your love and let them feel...treasure them you might regret at the end... Learn to be brave and courageous enough to face the circumstances and consequences.. Successful is the best revenge.. Don't be afraid! show what you got.. If you stumble,get up..there's no words as failures... only trials and challenges... If you handle it and become a better person.. it means you are back on the track"" ready to face new unfamiliar way... Whether you achieve some or Lost some... .In the end.. try to be yourself and know what you have inside..
no body knows yourself.. Only YOU... "Lesson from the Fierce Wife" Xie An Zhen
Yesterday 2nd day of Ramadan...We went to have our Umrah before our flight next week...I was with Ate Debs,shappy,jessica and Ate Gem...We went to Thanaim 2 take our two raka'a of prayers,then we go to Masjid Al-Haram,tawaf smoothly done Alhamdulillah... Then we go to take our Maghrib at safa-marwa area..We did our Sa'i and only 3 turns we're about to finished..I'm not expecting anything will happen in that moment of time...As we go for our 4th turn,there is a woman infront of me and shahira walking but she suddenly stop and we didn't see that there is this man in front of her also,as we are busy with our own prayers We didn't seem to notice that Old man(Abuya)until he fell down slowly and his head touches my knee because I was walking that time and the woman infront of us leave that man maybe due to nervous...I saw with my two eyes that abuya slowly fell down,that moment I don't know what to do and shappy too,coz we are thinking that Abuya will just take his rest for a while,We are about to leave that place but I show some light in his back telling he needs help,We go back and forth I think around five(5)times because I dont know how to initiate because its my first time to witness that scene and so with shappy...We went back at last not only because of my heart willing to go back and help Abuya but because I remember what I take Oath for my Profession as a Dedicated nurse...my mind is eating my brain for my conscience...I went back and Shahira begins to cry...:(I don't know what to do first because I saw shappy is crying with that tears in her eyes,then I supposed to break down also but I told my self to be strong and not to cry..Alhamdulillah because of that tears my mind become alert and started to see what i can do for a help..then I saw Ate debbie...the people in our surrounding panicked and don't know what to do and the guards tell us to leave but we told them we are nurses(mummarida)then one Doctor came and do the CPR,ate debbie do the jaw thrust and for monitoring the pulse while me I assist the Doctor doing the CPR and we do it vice-versa...Abuya that time is gasping his breath but no pulses monitored or should I say weak pulse...that moment of CPR i was trying and praying that Abuya will survive but Allah knows best for him...we positioned him in side lying all secretions come out..then we do again CPR,3 Doctors came to help us and the security guards did nothing as to my disappointment..then we leave that place coz rescuers came even i want to stay in that place and see how's Abuya:(..
Until now I can't get over that abuya..InshaAllah he is ok...Allah knows best for him...We tried our best and effort..maybe there is a reason why he collapse in front of us with Shahira Shahwan...Alhamdulillah I have that eman not to cry and do whatever I can...rescuing someones life is difficult specially for a first timer like me in that situation,but Alhamdulillah thanks Allah! Flashbacks from the past came to my mind because that time I was doing CPR to Abuya,in my mind and my heart as if I'm doing CPR to my husband,trying to fight and save his life for me and my baby..For that Abuya,I was trying to do my best to save his life and to fight for it for his family...But even sometimes we did our best "All of us will returned to Him"It's just that "who will come first"..and I'm thinking that Allah reminds all of us the life Hereafter,the good deeds and faith to him...May Allah blessed and have mercy in his soul if He didn't survive that day..but I hope InshaAllah Abuya make it to survive... Its second time for me to do CPR..first with my husband and the second is that Abuya in yesterdays umra...thanks to Shahira for the strength,to ate debs for helping and initiation,for jess and ate gem for monitoring....:)Then as we go to continue our Umrah that's the time I break down my eyes with tears,I pity Abuya and so with his family who maybe doesn't know what happen...
Last thing...to this place where I am now.... This country should provide a well-trained guards for in that case they can help not just to look,feel and listen but to do the action...and help lives...
I always been thankful for coming into this world,for meeting you,for holding your hand and the chance to hold your face,kissed it and just to stare on it... I always been happy for the life and the chance you give to see it..to see things beautifully.. I always thank Allah for the blessings and for the LOVE that made me into offspring and now a human being..
Thank you for being a guardian,protector,doctor,nurse and a FRIEND.. ...For watching us while we sleep, ...for the sleepiness night while making our milk, ... for the first steps we make, ...for all the training...
Despite the pain i cost you,the tears that i owe you..I'm deeply sorry for that.. I could not asked for more,having YOU is worth living for..
Thank you for the success.... Disappointing you was never my intention... I always asked for that forgiveness and In sha Allah I will not do it again..
Thank you for the care,for the LOVE and understanding,the hope and the fact that those heartaches i cost you still you are there for me...
I know it is not all the time that I'd tell you I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU,but Allah knows how much I long for your care...
You are the only person who I trusted too much in this world...I LOVE YOU and that's for sure..
One of my happiest moment is my wedding day,you were there despite thee pain you felt coz i got married too early.. But in the day of my Loneliness you was there to guide me,cheer me and to hold my hand letting me know that I was not alone..
And until now you were there for me..for my Son...
The time that you were with me in my hardship is more than the time in my success...
I LOVE YOU and i always want to be with you and sleep beside you...
If in another life Allah will give someone with me and a Mother..
Since I know that I'm pregnant,I wonder what Life I could give you,what can I offer you..I'm thinking if I will be a good mother to you..but only one thing I know that time is that I'm glad and blessed to have you.. 9 months in my womb is worth fighting for... Alhamdulillah I have Allah beside me even I don't have the courage to fight for more and even I don't have the people I love around me... I fight everyday to the best I can specially when your father needs to leave us...I don't know what to do,I wish to be with him if I can but Allah did not allow me because of you..I fight life and even death just to be strong and I think of you always even some people doesn't see and feel it..Being a mother is a hard-task but I try my best to be one like your mama(grand mother).. I fight every breath I have now and not being with you is like killing me.. When I was a child I feel how to grow up without the guidance of a father,so I wish and pray Allah that you will not feel the same what I feel before,but Allah loves me and I don't wanna ask why...As you approach life I know you will feel it..but I become a better person with mama beside me guiding me,InshaAllah you will become a better person although you have only me in your life baby... I know wherever your Dada right now he is much proud of you...and I know He don't want to go and He want to fight back but Allah needs another angel to be with him so He ask your father to stay with him..someday I will tell you how much your Dada loves you even though He don't see you until he go..but he leave one big hug for you I feel it..and even though He did not talk till the last breath of him and I hear no words in his mouth only one thing He told me before that everything happen.. have sabar and eman..and He kisses my tummy(stomach) for three times then everything happen just for a second.. I tried to revive you Dada but Allah did not Allow me He tell me he need to rest and I need him here beside me... Until the last breath of him I hug him and kiss him and I let him feel loved,I remembered that day when you are moving your two feet in my womb as if you are comforting me as I feel alone and as your Dada bid his last goodbye to me.. Your Dada is a great person and I hope you will be like him,you will have his best attitude being sabar in everything... and so when I step out the door and look for our future I did not look back and I did not allow you to go to airport with me coz I know that I'll be on my knees... I'm here because of you,I swear to your Dada that I will continue what our plans for you even though I'm alone now..but Your Dada promised me one thing I will never be alone in everything because I have him and I have Allah with me..Alhamdulillah.. I remember when your Dada told me I can't offer you anything(money,jewelry,things)only my Love for you but He promised me to received something worth living for, the greatest gift that I ever received from your Dada is YOU... Having you in my life is worth fighting and living for..I thank Allah for being your mommy...I'm happy and lucky to have you in my life....and I thank Mama for guiding your way like me..I owe everything to her and to Allah..Enjoy your day baby... Baba,tita jhing,papap dj and papap jr,mie jewel and amboh yay is loving you and so with your GREATEST mama and mommy..
have u ever tried love putting Ur sadness in a box & put that box on Ur back & u roam n city of sadness & visit cities of missing i did that have u ever tried walking on the beach talking to the moon alone & crying under the rain alone so no one can see Ur tears i did that have u ever tried to draw their faces on the sand & crave their pictures above the mountains & talk 2 their leftovers like babies & shake their shadows with the craziness of lover i did that have u ever tried to wear the longing & wear the cloth of Nostalgia & stay beside the phone @ night begging it 2 give the sound of whom u missing & close Ur eyes hoping that it rings & u woke up while the sun rising with her tongue out laughing at u i did that
I've been thinking all day,all night...about this relationship we called,about this love and about Us... Before loving you,I know the consequences,I've been controlling myself,my feelings not to love you.. As far as I could,I'm not heading my way to you, As far as I could I keep distance and not to be near to you..but then in every step I make I found my self looking for you.. I did think this for hundred times, what i would do,what i could do and what i should do..???? so that i will not fall for you.. Sometimes there comes a time that you can't handle the situation..For the pass year,months and days of letting him go(husband)In other part of me,I found myself giving you importance,space and place in my heart and life... But I guess I'm in trouble..making my self not comfortable..because i noticed day by day my love for you grow,I don't know why.. I keep myself not to love you and I should ignore you..but late at night comes as I go to sleep,I found myself asking for an unanswered prayer.. Now that situation been this far though I tried my best to be far..I guess I'm ready again to find,find another pain in my mind..and my heart..I'm ready to feel the pain.. What this love called???"FORBIDDEN LOVE" because you love me and i love you but we cant be together.. How much time I will take,to know if you're for me or should i let you free?? LETTING GO...:( letting go is easy to say but I guess the hardest thing to do specially loving someone like you... truth really hurts but i know I should face... Many people I've talked if I will let you go or I should hope... Should i keep you and never talk but i guess i should think before its late.. Letting go is easy,but you should tell me so I'll be the one to move away... But as I ask you for this,you told me like this.."I'm not okay,I'm not better,I'm not good without you in my life... so what would I do??I felt the same way too..:( As we talked about this,you asked me" if I can wait"..and I answer you YES... I will wait until the time you're the one who choose to leave,I know I'm crazy choosing this...But its okay rather I leave you with regrets...I'm the one chooses my heart will break and I guess I'm holding on to this until the time you chooses to leave.. Still I'm hoping for something to happen,because I know with ALLAH nothing is impossible and I'm praying... There''s no problem in waiting for you,though I'm not sure if you'll be there too..One thing I know I will love you the way I know.. For YOU" the man my heart felt love now..I hope you will read and realize How... InshaAllah ,you will find in your heart and take action for this love.. I know you'll have hardest decision in your life...for your family,that I am the girl you love.. I hope and pray for Allah above..that He will make way for our love...and open heart for the family you have... In every situation I know there's a choice to make but there some other way that choosing sometimes will lead you in a wrong way...so that's why I'm holding on to my decision..Ill wait for you till the time You get married..maybe by then I can accept that we're not really meant for each other and if that day come i will not regret the decision i made...I know you'll get married for your family's decision..but i hope its not too soon..:( Before I end this..let me tel you I LOVE YOU like this and I hope you feel it because I'm crazy about this.....
