Being a Mother from a Distance :(

Being a Mother..

It is very hard to go on in daily life, especially if you're the only parent for the child you have, may it be you're a divorced person or a widow just like Me.
You're the only one who would sustain the needs (basic needs) for your children.

I am Widow and I am A Mother of one cute little boy.

I delivered 2 months after my husband died from illness, i suffered everything alone except the fact that I have my family. Emotionally stress alone,and financially distress with my Mother who that time sustain my needs and my son needs as I don't have work that time. I was newly Registered Nurse and My husband was my First patient after i got my licence, its painful? Yeah,it is!

I never see myself travelling abroad, i used to tell myself that I'm never gonna leave my country, I want to serve my fellow countryman,sounds corny,but it's the truth why I don't planned in going out the country for work.

BUT! Destiny's call.... I leave country just the day my little boy turned 1 year..I leave country for me to build future for my son. The reason I decided to leave country is because my Mom salary that time is not enough to sustain us,I have two brothers that still going to college and though I have brother and sister abroad my mom can't depend on them as to my brother has family and my sister is preparing for her dream wedding. I don't want my mom to suffer for me and my baby,so even if its very painful on my part to be far away from my son, I did,for him and for his future,I hope he would understand someday.
I know the feeling is.. I've been there in this situation,though my mom that time didn't traveled other country but she teaches students in provinces and stayed there for whole week,only weekends she would come back home,again due to financial stability after my father left us.
 I know my little boy would feel what I felt before.But I hope even if I'm this far from him,he would grow into a responsible son and citizen someday,just like us.

Being a mother and a father..

Being a mother and a father at the same time... A task that no one could do except a lovingly mother to her son. A job that should be highest paid of. A job that need no requirements or skills,it has just to be you,Being A good you...
I grew up in an environment that I don't have someone I called Father.I miss having one. Before I wished and told myself that if I could have a family on my own I would never let my son to feel what I feel before, But life is full of jokes,and I guess my son would feel it. I'm just feeling' sorry for him.. I'm sorry son for your dada needs to leave before you come. I prayed that you'll have one too at the right time,one that can accept you for being part of me. Being your father is a difficult task, I need to learn on how to play boys toy (cars,robots and others) just need to be man sometimes. And after that I need to be your mom who would cook your food,wash your clothes and take a bath for you. I even did piggy-back on you,that was your favorite time,when i cuddle you in my arms to my shoulder,whoa! you're a big boy already..still can't believe that I have already one that comes out from my body. i love you little one..still you're my baby boy.

Being A mother from a distance..
A feeling that mothers would feel worse than separation from husband.
Some mothers leave their children s earlier than they could imagine. As for me, I didn't witnessed  my son grow old.I didn't witnessed his first step,his first fall or dump into something while trying to walk,his first words of mommy.I wasn't there,nothing at all. :(
I am not the person he runs to when he needs to pee,when he needs milk,to eat or drink. It was awful feeling when he call other person to be beside me in sleeping or to make his milk.
When I go out for malling I always think of what I can buy for him,at least in simple things I can show how I love him..
I am not even there to care for him when he has fever,when he feels pain, I was there to witnessed simple achievements of him. I love my son but I just need to leave him for a moment.

I am a mother, I am single parent.. but I able to build a good future for my son and that's how I'm proud of it.
Through my experience I always trust Allah,His power,might and his plans. I'm always thankful for everything for the good and bad that came to my life.

I am a mother...
Though people sees it as noun but I see it as verb...
A mother by name is not completely mother unless it is with action...
I love being a Mother, I love the way He calls me mommy hadji...
I love being a mother without payment..

And
I'm PROUD MOTHER...

^__^